Therapy is Important

Ok so here’s the thing.

As you know, I get easily overwhelmed and I have this bad habit of letting that drag me down. I’ve had a couple weeks off work and laying around the house did not do wonders for my mental state.

(I hear you, get up and do something you potato.)

It’s harder to pull yourself out of an off mental state than a physical one, at least for me. I will fight through an illness if I have something going on or if plans were made. But if I wake up and feel like my day is useless, nothing can convince me otherwise.

Cue the mental circle of feeling like crap, not doing anything, and then feeling like crap because you didn’t do anything.

(These are the mental games I’m in therapy for.)

This is the cycle I’ve been working toward breaking but it’s proving difficult. It has been brought to my attention that I tend to have a defeatist attitude. That’s not a way I ever would have described myself. But I guess they’re right?

(Is that defeatist of me?)

My therapist has done wonders for me over the last year. I’m nervous about what therapy is going to look like now because I’m starting with a new person. My old therapist left and I had my last session with her last month. I thought I was ok with this but I think I have more reservations about this than I expected. I’ve already cancelled once.

(Maybe not going to therapy is why I’m feeling off?)

What is there to get overwhelmed by if you’ve just been sitting at home? Well, I can’t tell you that. Just that things have been mentally exhausting. Which, if you ask me, is the worst kind of problem to have because of the way my brain works.

I think what makes all of this worse is that when I’m feeling down, normal feels so far away.

I don’t mean to sound completely depressing. I know things aren’t that bad and I still find joy in things and all of that. I’m just off I suppose.

Taking these last few weeks off from therapy probably wasn’t a good idea. I’m going to keep my appointment next week.

(Though someone might have to check in and make sure I went.)

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Saturday Morning

It was a rough weekend. I knew I wanted to write about it but it’s taken me this long to wrap my head around it.

(It also kind of feels like I’m being over dramatic because nothing happened to us.)

Saturday morning, as Boyfriend and I were walking out of the house, I was so excited for the day.

(It was supposed to be a day full of friends and food and some Harry Potter. Which sounds perfect, in my opinion.)

We walked outside and complained about the heat. And then we looked up and saw why it was so hot.

The building across the alley from our backdoor was on fire.

It was weird to walk outside and see this disaster happening and not really hear much noise.

(Though I suppose hearing people screaming would have been worse.)

We immediately go around to the front of the building to check if people have started exiting the building. Boyfriend calls 911 and I start asking everyone if they had all gotten out, if there were any people or pets inside. As soon as I asked that question, a girl starts crying about her turtle she had left inside. I almost start crying too.

(A moment for the lost turtle.)

We’re standing there, watching the back of this building go up in flames and it occurs to us that if the flames jump to the nearby tree then it could potentially spread to our building.

Inside our apartment was our roommate and our girls. I run inside to tell him what was going on and it was weird to see him just enjoying his morning on the couch completely oblivious to what was going on just yards away.

(Reminder: the girls are our four cats.)

We’re now all outside, but as soon as we walked out of the apartment all I could think was if we would be able to go back in to grab the girls if anything happened. And then I instantly regretted not grabbing them all when I went inside.

I have been lucky enough in my life to never have been in such an emergency. I’ve never had to call 911 or deal with police or firefighters in any real capacity. I can’t imagine what the people this actually happened to are feeling if it affected me this much.

We watched as 18 people lost their homes and possessions. We watched as the top of the building crumbled. We watched as the flames jumped into the open windows of the building next door. We watched as we hoped that the same thing wouldn’t happen to us.

I had never given much thought to how long it takes to put out a fire. It felt like we watched them pour water on it for an hour.

Once it was out, and we were all safe, we left and went about our day. But it felt wrong. It felt wrong to leave all the firetrucks and chaos and distraught people. It felt wrong to be picking out booze for the tailgate we were going to. It felt wrong to want the rest of our day to be normal.

(We should have known better.)

Though both Boyfriend and I talked about what had just happened and how we were feeling, we weren’t able to fully shake what we had just witnessed.

(We did discuss the fastest way to get the girls out of the house in case of emergency.)

Experiencing any sort of disaster or tragedy is going to stick with you, even if it didn’t happen directly to you.

I was nervous while we were tailgating and they were lighting the grill. I feel a little twinge of panic when I hear sirens. A weird sounding alarm was going off somewhere outside this morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep after it woke me up.

(I know it’s only been a few days. I know this will fade. I just don’t now when.)

Saturday morning was something I had never experienced before but I know I’ll think about it every time I step into the alley behind our apartment.

My Favorite Podcasts.

I wanted to write a post about how my therapy session went today. But I’m feeling a little tired and a little boring. Overall, just not in the mood to be serious. So, instead I want to talk about a form of entertainment I used to think was dumb and just for snooty people. The podcast.

I used to be a person that would fall asleep if there was any sort of talk radio on. It would bore me to sleep. How could you listen to anything but music in the car? How does one not drive while belting out a good song?

(I don’t know how people can listen to sports on the radio. Those people are either very dedicated or are aliens. Or both maybe?)

I decided to give podcasts a try because I was getting bored of listening to the radio and because I thought listening to other people talk would be helpful since I usually talk to myself in the car.

Over the last year and a half I’ve discovered some podcasts that I really love and I want to share them here. So here we go!

• Bacon and Eggs: A Movie Lover’s Podcast

This podcast, hosted by Ethan Edghill and Tyler Carlin, is super funny. It’s sort of breakfast food based. They review movies, if that wasn’t obvious, and compare each movie to a breakfast food. They do all the Marvel movies as well as movies from our childhood, among others. I genuinely get excited to see what movie they are going to cover next. It’s not super technical, which is nice because if you don’t know much about film they never come off as snobby and they never make you feel dumb. Their reviews center around the story and the characters but is also full of facts about the movie. But the best part of the podcast is the different segments and tangents.

(I like tangents. Go figure.)

My favorite segment is Toothpaste & Orange Juice. Tyler and Ethan each rant and complain about whatever topic is leaving a bad taste in their mouths. It never fails to make me laugh. Ethan’s rants give me a run for my money.

I love this podcast because listening to Tyler and Ethan feels like you’re sitting with your friends.

(Even though they can’t hear me when I talk back to them.)

*New episodes every Thursday.

• Commited

If you love, love and relationships then listen to this podcast. Hosted by Jo Piazza, Commited is a podcast that focuses on showing what a relationship can look like in all different situations. Each episode focuses on a couple who have something specific about them. For example, there is a couple where her and her wife both work at one of the brothels in Nevada. Not every couple is as “out there” but each couple is going through something unique that has tested their relationship.

While each individual situation may not be common or relatable, They are still people navigating life and the feelings and issues of having a significant other are pretty universal. I definitely find something that leaves me thinking in each episode.

I love that Jo lets each couple tell their own story in an interview format because it lets you get to know each couple as people and not just a topic.

(I’m hoping one day we can be the episode about how a man overcame his cat allergy because his girlfriend kept bringing them home and he loved her more than breathing.)

One thing I will say is that I wish there was more follow up episodes. I get invested in these people and would love to know what happens after the episode.

This podcast makes me reflect but it’s also just entertaining. People can be fascinating and Commited is a nice reminder that everyone has a story.

*New episodes every Wednesday

• Approachable

This podcast is brand new. I’m currently listening to their 8th episode, but I love it. It’s hosted by Samantha Ravndahl and Alyssa Anderson. Sam is a beauty YouTuber that I was already a fan of before this podcast.

(If you enjoy nude lips and sarcasm, snarky commentary then Sam is your girl.)

(If you’re reading this though then I hope you do like sarcasm and snarky commentary because, um, that’s kind of the brand around here.)

They are just two millennial women talking about how to deal with our lives, mental health and social issues in the world we live in. Now, don’t let the concept of two millennials sitting around talking scare you. They have well-formed and researched opinions and only ever speak on behalf of themselves. It’s actually really interesting to hear their points of view on American culture because they are Canadian. Which, in my opinion, makes it that much more interesting to listen to.

(The accents are subtle but noticeable.)

Sam and Alyssa definitely bring their personalities out in this podcast and I love it. It’s obvious that these two have been friends forever. It’s nice to hear some heavier topics discussed between friends with a sense of humor to boot.

***

Those are my top three podcasts, the ones that I wait around for and listen to new episodes the second I can. There isn’t an episode of any of these that I wouldn’t recommend. I have a few more that I listen to so I will definitely be doing this again in the future.

(This post only has three because my wrist hurts from typing and I keep getting distracted.)

I listen to all my podcasts on Google Podcasts but they are all available anywhere you can get a podcast.

Is there a podcast I just MUST check out? Do you already listen to any of these?

(Do you still not know what a podcast is?)

I hope if you read this post then you’ll let me know! And if you start listening to any of these because of me, then let them know I sent you!

(Like I  said, we’re building a brand here. Help me out.)

26 Is Not Too Old

I’m officially in my upper twenties.

(Or is 26 still mid twenties? Where is my millennial handbook?)

But ever since my birthday, and for the last year or two if I’m being honest, I’ve been struggling with bridging the gap between being an adult and being me.

(Because I’m generally referred to as an energetic 5-year-old.)

Naturally, getting older has me feeling like my life is passing me by and I’m just waving at it from my couch.

I would like to make myself feel better by officially stating all of the things that I’m not too old to do.

• Go to waterparks.

I cannot stress this enough. They are not just for kids. Water slides do not discriminate. Plus, I’m always the happiest when it’s summer and I’m doing some sort of water-based activity. If I’m being honest, I love water slides and rides because that’s the most adrenaline I can handle.

(No roller coasters over here. I value my life. No falling to my doom over here. No, ma’am.)

• Get drunk

Now listen, I am not advocating for alcohol abuse. But I am advocating for having a good time once in a while, and if that includes a few drinks then that’s fine. I’ve always wanted to go on a bar crawl. I’ve never done one. I love splitting a few bottles of wine with my girls. Sometimes the occasion calls for it. Enjoy yourself, have fun, deal with the hangover tomorrow.

(But only occasionally, we like our livers ok?)

• Still liking things from my childhood

I know right now it’s trendy to be nostalgic, but eventually we’ll get back to the days where someone is going to look at you wierd for wearing a t shirt with a Disney character on it or something. Fuck them. Wear your t-shirt, buy that wallet, whatever. I’m currently wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt that I wore out in public today. It’s ok to express your love for things by continuing to wear them, watch them, support them.

(Just dress like an adult sometimes. You’re not actually 5.)

• Non-drinking game nights

I know that I just said that a few drinks is fine. But I love game nights that don’t revolve around drinking games. I wanna play trouble, I wanna play candy land, I wanna play monopoly.

(Because I love my friends and I never want them to leave.)

Not all game nights have to be about drinking games and adult party games. I want to have a game night with games from back then. I recently played Disney Crainium at a family party and I loved it. It was a blast and something that I wish we did stuff like that more.

Now, I do all of these things already but I wish they weren’t frowned upon by my age group. I know I’m an adult.

(I have the bills and the debt to prove it.)

I just want to make a statement about how adulthood doesn’t mean your inner child can’t come out. It doesn’t mean we have to be in control all the time; we can take it easy, let loose and that’s ok.

(The Return of) Kitten Chronicles: Part 5

July 2018: Dirty, little road kitten

Sept. 2018: Thriving, glamorous house cat

 

This is Rory.

In the two years since I was last posting on this blog our total cat count went from 3 to 4.

(Which is not too many cats. Stop saying it’s too many cats.)

In previous Kitten Chronicles I’ve talked a lot about how much I love my cats. I’ve also talked a lot about how, after each new addition, Boyfriend tells me that this is our last cat.

(This post is about he was wrong.)

We already had Tayah, Lily, and Pixel and I really meant it when I told him I was done bringing cats into the house. I’m a huge believer in fate and destiny and it’s not my fault that the universe had other plans.

July of last year we were on our way to drop Boyfriend off at work, because we only have one car. As we’re about to make our final turn, I see this little blob flopping around in the middle of the road; a road that is full of semi-trucks because we were in the Back of the Yards on the south side of Chicago. I quickly realize that it is a kitten.

(Boyfriend had already seen it and was trying to avoid me seeing what he thought was a squashed, road kill kitten.)

So of course, I make him stop immediately so I can get out and rescue it.

Picture this: a small hatchback car parked horizontally across the road on a busy trucking route and a crazy person (that’s me) running to scoop up a small blob out of the street.

Luckily, she wasn’t hurt at all. She was dirty and shaking and full of fleas, but not injured. I was relieved and automatically in love, though I tried not to get attached.

(Don’t laugh. I swear I tried…)

My adrenaline was pumping so much that I accidentally dinged Boyfriend’s boss’ car.

I didn’t go to work that day. I took care of this kitten. I got her food and water, I took her to the vet, I pulled out of inside the dashboard of the car. That’s a story for another post.

I went and looked around the area we had found her in to see if she had a mommy or if there was a litter anywhere.

(No comment on what I would have done if I had found more cats.)

Boyfriend was not having any of my pleas to keep this kitten. I had to beg and make deals. The girls were also not having any of this little intruder. They were big mad.

(For future reference, I collectively call my cats “the girls”.)

We were mutually attached from the beginning. I like to think that she knows I saved her and she shows her appreciation by never leaving me alone. Everyone else came around a couple of weeks later.

(Who could resist her cuteness and my begging.)

We’ve now had her for almost a year and she is objectively the cutest one of the girls. I’m not playing favorites. These are just the facts. Look at the pictures above and tell me I’m wrong.

You know how when you see a baby, you just want to squish it? That’s how you feel when you look at this cat. In a cute way, not a murder-y way.

Something about literally rescuing an animal from a situation makes you look at that animal differently. I can’t help but think about what would have happened to her if we were running even two minutes late.

Rory is just another example of why I believe in fate and the idea that everything happens for a reason. I fully believe that we were meant to find her and save her.

Our cats are a part of our family. As far as I am concerned, we are a family of six. I know that may seem excessive or odd but these animals rely on us for everything and they love us so much. How could I treat them as anything less?